Standing by the grave where our ancestors rest can give us a sense of their presence. Relatives that we have never met can feel more real when we visit their grave. You may want to visit cemeteries tied to your Danish family history. However, it is important to understand Denmark's burial customs before you set out on a search for a grave. Danish customs might make finding an ancestor's grave more complex than expected.
Leasing Burial Plots in Denmark
In Denmark, burial plots are leased from the cemetery. The cemetery maintains ownership of the plot. The family only has the right to use the plot for the agreed amount of time. When the family chooses not to extend the lease, the gravedigger will clear the plot. When needed, the plot will be reused for someone else's grave. The gravedigger will ensure that any remains are dug further down before reusing a grave. This can seem bizarre to persons from cultures where a burial plot is the family's property. Yet, that is Danish custom.
The shortest lease term varies, but for urn graves it is no less than 10 years, and for casket graves no less than 20 years. The decomposition takes longer than average in some types of soil. For cemeteries with such soil, the lease term is longer. For my father's urn grave, the shortest lease term was 10 years.
My father's urn was buried in a plot that was already used for my youngest brother, who died as an infant in 1989. However, the shortest lease period for my brother's casket grave had passed when my father died in 2022. Furthermore, a casket is buried deeper than an urn. Thus, my father's urn was buried in the same plot without disturbing my brother's grave. We have already decided to renew the lease in 2032, because there is room for my mother's urn, too.
Who Owns the Grave Marker?
Those left behind buy the grave marker and maintain ownership of it. They can remove flowers, grave markers, etc. from the plot when they decide to stop renewing the lease. If they choose not to remove the stone, it will most often be crushed. Large stones can be cut into smaller grave markers and reused.
The cost of the grave marker depends on the type and size, as well as the number of characters on the stone. We paid 15.500 Danish kroner for my father's and brother's grave marker, meaning about 2.300 US dollars. There is room for my mother's information on the stone, so when that time comes, we only have to pay for the extra characters.
Denmark focuses on recycling, including recycling of stones from gardens, fields, etc. Some public recycling facilities give out such stones for free. A family may find a suitable stone on their own land or at a recycling facility. Then they can pay a stonecutter to turn the stone into a grave marker. My aunt and uncle lived next to a gravel pit and found a stone there together, so her grave marker has a special story.
Cost of Burial Plots in Denmark
The cost of the lease depends on several factors. Members of Folkekirken (the Church of Denmark) pay taxes to the church, so they do not pay any lease. But non-members must pay at least for the shortest lease term. The price varies from cemetery to cemetery and depends on the size of the plot and the length of the term. Prices range from about 1.500 to 25.000 kroner in total for the lease period, meaning about 220 to 3.700 dollars. The large range is due to the different lengths of the lease period.
The person who rents the plot (member or not) must maintain it and ensure that it is tidy. Or they can choose to pay the cemetery's gardener –who is also the gravedigger– for weeding and general maintenance. We paid 7.000 kroner for ten years of maintenance on my father's and brother's plot, meaning about 1.000 dollars. The gardener removes weeds and withered flowers, waters plants, etc. Families can choose to pay the gardener to plant flowers in the spring and summer, but we do that ourselves.
Additionally, decorating graves with spruce during winter is customary in Denmark. The family can do it themselves or pay the gardener to do it. We paid for the gardener to decorate my father's and brother's plot with two types of spruce during winter. That cost 3.700 kroner (about 550 dollars) for ten years.
I often hear from foreign tourists that our cemeteries are in immaculate condition. That is due to the rule for maintenance of the plots. If a plot is not kept tidy, the gardener will send the family an offer for doing it for them. If they choose not to accept the offer or start tidying the plot, the gardener will give them a notice of clearing. At the end of the notice period, the gardener clears the plot. But of course, the grave can still not be reused until the shortest period has lapsed.
Locating Grave Markers in Denmark
The lease system makes it difficult to find old grave markers in Denmark, because most plots are cleared after a few decades. However, there are exceptions, so there is no reason to give up before trying to find the grave. Most cemeteries have a lapidarium. That is an area for grave markers worthy of preservation. The gardener has cleared the plot but kept the stone. Such grave markers are often for significant persons. Others are centuries-old grave markers that are particularly well kept.
The parish registers reveal at which cemetery a person was buried, but rarely the plot number. We have a database with photos of grave markers like Find a Grave, although ours is obviously much smaller. The database does not cover all cemeteries in Denmark, but more are added regularly. You can search the database here:
https://dk-gravsten.dk/viewpage.php?page_id=28
The index does not contain information about persons who died less than 10 years ago. Posting the information from more recent graves is not against the law. Yet, the creators of the database follow the ten-year restriction on death records in parish registers, per the archives law. They follow that practice out of respect for those left behind.
The project was begun in 2004, but it contains photos older than that. Some gravediggers photographed graves before clearing them. These photos have been added to the database, so the oldest photos are from 1982. The oldest grave markers are a lot older because the database covers the lapidariums, too. Keep in mind that some graves may have been cleared after their photos were added to the database.
Rest in Peace – Hvil i Fred
If you come to Denmark, you might notice the word FRED on many grave markers. While it could lead to the perception that Danes are particularly fond of the name Fred, that is not the case. The word is a part of the phrase "Hvil i fred" which means "Rest in peace."
On the grave marker we chose for my father and brother, it says "Altid i vore hjerter" because that is what they are: Always in our hearts.
Conclusion
Finding an ancestor's grave in Denmark can be challenging due to Danish burial customs. Understanding the process can help set realistic expectations. Whether you can locate your Danish ancestor's grave marker or not, visiting cemeteries offers a way to connect with your family’s past.
If you are struggling to find an ancestor’s grave, you are welcome to contact me for professional help.
